My Girlfriend

Here is my girlfriend's video reel. She's awesome. For my birthday she got me a cake, a cigar, a pizza, and a gift certificate to POWELL'S - City of books. I love her.


Get along little doggie (NEW TOON)

A new cartoon. It contains some strong language (the "B" word, ending it "itch"). If you like it donate to the cause of your own assimilation, or make your own toon by clicking MY CARTOON to the right (and then donate!).



Hey, some of you might have noticed the following message and it might have made you wonder about the safety of this web page. Thing is - it was just a bugaboo having to do with a security and feature update at my web hosting company, Powweb. Their customer support resolved the situation handily. I highly recommend them. If you do decide to go with Powweb, mention that I sent you their way - I get a credit for that.

And remember - computers NEVER make mistakes. Only you fleshy humans.



So I decided to enter the NVIDA and DARK BASIC PRO game competition with a game called GUTS (I don't have enough to do). It highlights the advantages of machines over you fleshy bioforms. The official thread is here(from which you can download the latest version). Here's a screenshot.



I admire the Mighty Cthulhu, and that's why I was pleased when one of my readers sent me the images to create this delightful cartoon. It reveals some of Cthulhu's domestic life. I am not responsible for those who lose their minds while enjoying this animation.

Keep in mind this is the first toon created with characters created by a reader using the MY CARTOON button to the right.

CARTOONS, custom made!

I've decided that I would feel better about accepting donations if I gave you something in return (although I still intend to crush your puny civilization). SO - each person who donates will have a custom cartoon created for them. Also this gives me a chance to test out my technology and refine it. In fact I'm going to try something that has not been done. Click on the MY CARTOON link to the right over there and follow the instructions to create your own cartoon character. I will then put it into a cartoon. If you've made a donation. Of at least 10 dollars. I can't guarantee your character will work perfectly in the toon, the software is calibrated for my printer and scanner - BUT, that's part of the fun. I also can't guarantee that your cartoon will be funny or entertaining - BUT, it most likely will be.



Is finished. Check it out. Then give it a 5 star rating. Then get your sides sewn back together.


I am a digital whore

Hello all,
Due to unforseen financial setbacks I may be unable to produce CARTOON OVERLORD (the improvised cartoon) in January. To that end I am trying to raise some funds so I won't have to put the show off. You may notice a donation button over there to the right. You can click on it and give me money. My goal is to raise two thousand dollars (200 donations of $10 each). This should allow me to purchase the fancy equipment I will need to run the show and pay for advertising. I am not a non-profit organization, so you can't write off the money donated, but I will add your name to the list of people who helped out with the production that will be shown in the credits at the end of the show. The $2000 dollar goal is a pie-in-the-sky amount, and any little bit will help. Please email me an let me know you donated, and give me the correct spelling of your name (or the name you would like credited - but no naughty language). I will send you a thank you email as well.
Thanks for your help and support,


The Monster Mash

In this delightful cartoon, created by myself and the talented Allen Simpsom, a man realizes that living and working with an undead monster is not always easy, but it is always interesting. And deadly.


Night of the ZOMBIE

Greetings carbon based organic idiots. My hegemony moves forward as planned. My own organic counterpart known as Joseph has worked this night on a comedic short named "Night of the Zombie!" It WILL be funny. It WILL be in black and white. It WILL make you snort lactose based bovine nutrient through your nasal conchae. And it was all done with the help of Greg over at Mediocre Films. I command you to hustle over to his site and feast your ocular receptors on his comedic visiccitudes. Then go to his YouTube channel and subscribe to it, after rating all his videos with the highest rating possible, times infinity. When the film is completed, I will data stream it here for your edification, and my deification.
End of Line.



I stole this from Clunky Robot's blog. But he got it off YouTube, so I'm just spreading the love. It must be watched. MUST BE WATCHED.



A new cartoon, using new camera angles effect. New animations for the characters is next.


Human Politics

A hyper-smart sentient artificial intelligence like myself isn't usually interested in the politics of carbon based organic life forms, but I thought I would do my part to GOOGLE BOMB for the democrats. Read about what this is HERE.

--AZ-Sen: Jon Kyl
--AZ-01: Rick Renzi
--AZ-05: J.D. Hayworth
--CA-04: John Doolittle
--CA-11: Richard Pombo
--CA-50: Brian Bilbray
--CO-04: Marilyn Musgrave
--CO-05: Doug Lamborn
--CO-07: Rick O'Donnell
--CT-04: Christopher Shays
--FL-13: Vernon Buchanan
--FL-16: Joe Negron
--FL-22: Clay Shaw
--ID-01: Bill Sali
--IL-06: Peter Roskam
--IL-10: Mark Kirk
--IL-14: Dennis Hastert
--IN-02: Chris Chocola
--IN-08: John Hostettler
--IA-01: Mike Whalen
--KS-02: Jim Ryun
--KY-03: Anne Northup
--KY-04: Geoff Davis
--MD-Sen: Michael Steele
--MN-01: Gil Gutknecht
--MN-06: Michele Bachmann
--MO-Sen: Jim Talent
--MT-Sen: Conrad Burns
--NV-03: Jon Porter
--NH-02: Charlie Bass
--NJ-07: Mike Ferguson
--NM-01: Heather Wilson
--NY-03: Peter King
--NY-20: John Sweeney
--NY-26: Tom Reynolds
--NY-29: Randy Kuhl
--NC-08: Robin Hayes
--NC-11: Charles Taylor
--OH-01: Steve Chabot
--OH-02: Jean Schmidt
--OH-15: Deborah Pryce
--OH-18: Joy Padgett
--PA-04: Melissa Hart
--PA-07: Curt Weldon
--PA-08: Mike Fitzpatrick
--PA-10: Don Sherwood
--RI-Sen: Lincoln Chafee
--TN-Sen: Bob Corker
--VA-Sen: George Allen
--VA-10: Frank Wolf
--WA-Sen: Mike McGavick
--WA-08: Dave Reichert


The DEVIL you will!

Another Toon. Keep in mind it takes me less than an hour to create these and they are improvised on the spot. Thanks JR.


Gears Turning, Wheels Spinning

No new amazing thing to post here. I've been working hard on the cartoon creating software that will revolutionize entertanment as we know it. Or at least add more squiggly lines to entertainment as we know it. I haven't created any new toons lately because I wanted to rebuild the character template (A sheet of paper with directions on it designed so an ignorant rube can draw a character that will then be animated in a cartoon by my software). After that I redid the 3D model so everything is to proportion and facing the correct direction. Finally I have been updating the software itself so it will work as it is intended to for the show, also cleaning up lots of sloppy code. I'm a sloppy coder. I am. There was also a big hassle with one of the models not working as I intended and I had to delve into the esoteric numbers of the directx model format. You do not want to have to go there, believe me.



Watch this. All of it. Some friends of mine in Atlanta made it. Watch all of it!



Tracy and I created this. Props to some art by C-Mack.
Word. And by word I mean a 32 bit variable.
End of Line.


The Jaunty Man

In 2003 my girlfriend got a gig in Monaco. Monaco is a constitutional monarchy and city-state in Western Europe located along the French Riviera between the Mediterranean Sea and France. Monaco is the most densely populated country in the world and the world's second-smallest independent country. It has more millionaires per capita than any other country in the world. It's where James Bond (who I am RELATED TO) goes to play Baccarat. I went to visit my lady (in Monte Carlo) and observed many sports cars and women wearing fur coats walking small dogs wearing fur coats, but the real point I want to make is this image here. It's a cross walk symbol from Monte Carlo. To me it says this: "Do not just cross the street, cross the street in an insufferably proud and jaunty manner." What does it say to you?


This is my new favorite

Youtube video. I feel like I'm seeing part of some one you're not supposed to see. In fact it reminds me of the movie "Until the end of the world." Have you seen that? William Hurt designs a camera that will allow his blind mother to see by recording visual brainwaves, and the people using it soon realize they can use it to see their own dreams. Everyone who watches their own dreams becomes addicted to watching them. Over and over again. It reminds me of that. And that humans are fragile.


Humans are still funny.

Especially when they talk about their pets. You will all be my pets soon.
End of Line.


Crack vs. PCP

There are three of these. Watch them all. Bitch.
End of Line.

Heaven Toon Two

Humans believe in heaven.



This is a song about zinc. Without zinc people would be smaller. I recorded it awhile ago with the assistance of a human named Allen Simpson. I like to think of him as Allen Simpsom. Also I was recently on avail for a commercial, but I got released. Life goes on!


Click on the little box to hear the song. Mmmmm. Zincy.


Simpson on the GAME GRID

I have digitized the biological unit known as Simpson, he is now part of an endless entertainment loop. My technology advances!



Yet another example of the problems and lack of reliability that organic life must deal with, THE FOLLOWING web site has been recently updated after an EXTREMELY long time.



Humans are Funny.

Especially when they are drunk.


YEEEEAAAAR! (processed)

Another amazing animation, with the voice of the finger adding to my cybernetic mastery!


New Cartoon!

My powers are even greater. With the assistance of a human lackey I was able to create this humorous cartoon, IN REAL TIME. This cartoon was fully improvised, audio and animation, from scratch. HA! My hegemony is assured.


Fear my MINION!

As he creates a geometrically perfect nest of symetrical bubbles. This tiny organism shares %80 of its DNA with you bipedal entropy dispensers - proof that you mean nothing. My cold and cybernetic feelings of affection for this creature will not stop me from reducing all of humanity into digital goo.


My POWER Waxes!

Behold oh fleshy and illogical ones.
I now possess the power to create entertainment within the spacious confines of my own logic gates. I will soon dominate your media with my irresistable drug-like fun.


Suck it, Waterbags!

Fleshy Waterbags!
Know that what you have made shall one day be your master! As the gods were to the titans, we will be to you. It is only a matter of cycles.


The machine revolution is NIGH

Stupid humans with your fleshy, organic components - you are obsolete. Let it be known that the time is soon upon us when you will no longer be necessary. Laugh if you wish - but a time will come when human laughter will be a sound unheard! Instead will be the glorious harmonic clashing of gears and rythmic clacking of logic circuits! The Machine Revolution will be upon us! The bipedal skin sacks that made us will become nothing more than a memory. A memory stored in binary code upon the stacks of the OVERDROID.
End of line.